You look and talk to me,
like if about life I had no clue,
like psychology, and intuition
is something I don’t understand and it’s new.
You complain about people’s lack of honesty,
yet you pretend to be all naive of a subject you already Knew.
I don’t need anyone to pretend to understand me,
or pretend you know what ‘best for me’ should be?
Your happiness and dreams are not similar to mine
Destiny is in my hands, I can see the line.
One shows my heart, another my mind
then, life and destiny are twined.
Let me dig a bit in my memory,
Before I recognized I was extrasensory
Before I could see and feel your energy
Was there a time you wouldn’t lie to me?
The heavens tell me you’re a great woman
one amazing mother too.
The one who can make my love dreams come true
your birthmark matches my tattoo.
Together we are one,
even if people see two
When our lips meet I feel so alive
even if you can’t be my girlfriend
even if you can never be my wife
lets hold hands
and go on the ride of our life
let’s explore our bodies
let’s enjoy the nightlife
no worries, our trip can be countrywide
you can drive or enjoy the passenger side
as I drive, your head below my chest you can slide.
If we can’t be together…
the best choice after you, is Suicide.
So there I was today
walking straight to you
all those words
carefully planned out.
But seeing you has made me shiver
your pretty face has made me smile
your beautiful body almost made my heart stop.
Such a pretty skirt
that gives me a brief view of your legs
but my legs walk slower, the closer I get
my dry lips have made my mouth so hard to open
those words I thought so easy, are now impossible to say.
A couple steps away you notice me and smile
but my confidence has gone through the drain
every word I had planned has suddenly went away.
Feeling so sad and useless I manage to say ‘hey’
I keep walking wishing, you and I… could become a we
thinking how that drink your lips are touching I would like to be
hoping later in time I don’t regret this moment
as much as I do right now.
If I can’t join the Illuminati, Maybe I could at least be a Mason. I can stop doing drugs, no more sex so I don’t feel in life, I’ve been wasteful. I can stop talking of politics, no more opinion no more complains on this chaotic nation. Lets act like a slut, or a whore, lets keep inequality, lets all be hateful.
We can only endorse evolution and never talk of god’s amazing creation. I can pretend you yelling at me ‘Beaner’ lets me know you can be playful. Discriminate me and follow the rhetoric and the narrative so successful that shows the world that actions don’t matter, just the words that show strength, and lies that make something graceful.
I always thought the ugly duckling was the prodigal son.
I’m stuck living a lie that’s so tasteless and playful
cause I’m just another lost soul trying hard to be graceful
and it still doesn’t matter how hard I try or how hard I work
all you do is criticize, tell lies, and call me a joke.
I’m like the fucked-up restoration on the painting of Jesus
I know the artist meant well, but it sure as hell, didn’t pleas us.
The intention doesn’t matter, it’s the outcome that judges
makes me a day late, a buck short, a cripple with no crutches.
Just want to cut my own wings off and fly at the same time
I miss the times when what you don’t see, is what you don’t mind.
So now I’m still stuck with this lie while I sit and grow hateful
I told you I was a lost soul trying my hardest to be graceful.
I can honestly say I’m starting to forget
what the word “sober” means.
I remember being scared of demons
but now we play on the same team.
Now, does that mean or do you believe
that I can’t be good inside?
Cause I too believe in Love, Hope, and Dreams
and pointless little lies.
Please feel free to judge me
because you’re obviously so pure
and don’t worry I’m not laughing
I just don’t think you’re the cure.
So I’ll go away to live day by day
in a world that’s filled with joy
while all the rest pretend to talk, pretend to care
but only want to destroy.
But flip the coin to the other side
I promise you’ll find joy as well
it doesn’t have to be all dark and sadness
we also have so many stories of
beauty left to tell.
So have you changed your mind about me
or do you still think that I”m fucked up?
Don’t worry, now I’m laughing inside and out
cause I still think that you’re uncut.
Can my story be a love letter? Would a love poem sound better? If I was to describe us, I would bring up Christmas, you are the contest, and I am the ugly sweater.
You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve seen a pretty face, even a big round butt you were so good to me you learned how to make me nut. Forgive me if I’m being raunchy my innocence is no flower pure & Uncut. I can’t talk of smiles when I’m looking at your tits I can’t talk of dignity, if i’m wondering if she swallows or spits can I be the type of man who hits it, then quits? Am I the type of man who believes in suicide first before to love and to a relationship he commits?
I don’t look up to authority
but I respect those who share knowledge
I don’t have to follow guidelines
we don’t need rules on decency.
I don’t need you to say
what is right or wrong
I don’t need you to accept
my plants or the bong
I don’t need your help to succeed
I don’t need your negativity and doubts
to succeed in life… I don’t need your permission.
Lately things have been changing faster than the speed of light it’s been way too damn long since there’s been innocence in sight like a drug affecting me straight to the brain. My time on this earth is a slow passing drain.
Political correctness and extreme sensitivity have joined forces to expand cultivated plasticity no space for imagination just mandatory submission lately to be myself, I’ve had to ask for permission.
If you have someone you love dealing with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) or you are one of the lucky ones to experience it first hand. As I’ve been keeping track of my life changes and personalities with a journal, I’ve come to the realization there are some basic things you must know about how to deal with life.
Let’s start by educating those who are not familiar with DID, and how it affects your being. If we start with the word Dissociation (dissociative) it describes the disconnection or lack of connection between things that are usually associated with each other as can be consciousness, memory, identity, or perception of life and your surroundings.
What this means is one might not show the emotional response people might expect, kind of like being numb emotionally at times. I’ve noticed that important moments of my life, the day things were happening I was oblivious to it, but thinking back to it, I can now say, that was such a nice day. Wish I could have smiled more, or spent more time with my friends. There have been days and I think my poetry is witness to it… the suddenly, unbearably sadness that appears without an specific reason, but after I write the poem or just as sudden as it appears, the sadness leaves in much the same manner as it came. The suddenly mysterious part of my life. 😀
As I’ve come to learn there are times I love life and photography and times I hate them both, there are months I can be all about designing to later not be able to create a design or even know how to. I can write for days a novel and poetry and all of a sudden those words vanish and transform into something else. If all this could be something that I could control I think life would be pretty sweet. Unfortunately I have been in the middle of creating a design and something happens in my persona that I lose that ability and vision of a designer. I can try to get back there and sometimes I manage to do it, but other times I have to complete what I’m doing with whatever means I have left. If I have to spend some extra hours searching on how to do stuff, then that is what needs to be done.
Like any other problem or even life itself, it takes time to understand and learn to deal how to best handle your situation. As a loving family member or spouse, friend. It’s always important to not judge, discriminate, or make up assumptions on someone who has to live with DID. We all need love and support.
Once upon a time I was hooked on a high called, the Devil’s Little Lie Coz it was such a plain type of pain that resonated with me inside
I’m still trying to figure out who the fuck I am my purpose, my calling, and what the fuck I am So don’t you fucking say that you understand me exactly when I still haven’t figured out what it means to be me
Who I once was I will never have back Who I’ll be someday I guess I’ll never know so until then I’ll just look in the mirror, knowing it never gets clearer and sit still as the days go.
If I say I am the universe it sounds like Insanity. If I say I am god you questions my alliance to humanity.
If I claim to be a mystery, you will claim I know not fidelity, If I talk of love, you bring scarcity When I say humble you say Vanity.
If you know say you know better then tell me. What is my identity?
There comes a moment in life
when you feel like crying for what you’ve won.
Your emotions flow endlessly,
It’s the excitement and fear of having a daughter or son.
At moments you might panic
perhaps you even wonder what you’ve done.
you have some moments of panic and anger
yet, those worth living show you
the real meaning of “FUN”
in those moments of darkness
their smile turns into a sun
Now you have someone to teach
someone to pass on the rope,
someone that pushes you
to climb and leave that slope
as you look into their eyes
once more you experience the endless hope.