Trying out new things in my artistic and expressive self. I liked the last challenge and thought it would be nice if I converted it into a small video.
If you have someone you love dealing with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) or you are one of the lucky ones to experience it first hand. As I’ve been keeping track of my life changes and personalities with a journal, I’ve come to the realization there are some basic things you must know about how to deal with life.
Let’s start by educating those who are not familiar with DID, and how it affects your being. If we start with the word Dissociation (dissociative) it describes the disconnection or lack of connection between things that are usually associated with each other as can be consciousness, memory, identity, or perception of life and your surroundings.
What this means is one might not show the emotional response people might expect, kind of like being numb emotionally at times. I’ve noticed that important moments of my life, the day things were happening I was oblivious to it, but thinking back to it, I can now say, that was such a nice day. Wish I could have smiled more, or spent more time with my friends. There have been days and I think my poetry is witness to it… the suddenly, unbearably sadness that appears without an specific reason, but after I write the poem or just as sudden as it appears, the sadness leaves in much the same manner as it came. The suddenly mysterious part of my life. 😀
As I’ve come to learn there are times I love life and photography and times I hate them both, there are months I can be all about designing to later not be able to create a design or even know how to. I can write for days a novel and poetry and all of a sudden those words vanish and transform into something else. If all this could be something that I could control I think life would be pretty sweet. Unfortunately I have been in the middle of creating a design and something happens in my persona that I lose that ability and vision of a designer. I can try to get back there and sometimes I manage to do it, but other times I have to complete what I’m doing with whatever means I have left. If I have to spend some extra hours searching on how to do stuff, then that is what needs to be done.
Like any other problem or even life itself, it takes time to understand and learn to deal how to best handle your situation. As a loving family member or spouse, friend. It’s always important to not judge, discriminate, or make up assumptions on someone who has to live with DID. We all need love and support.
A good site to visit: www.isst-d.org/
Have you ever been surrounded by people who love you or like you enough to talk to you, yet you’re drowning in loneliness?
What is loneliness and what makes this feeling emerge? First of all, I’ve spent countless hours alone riding my motorcycle, playing video games or walking around trying to find something to take a picture of and this feeling of loneliness never arose while actually being alone. Why can you be alone and not feel lonely, yet you’re around people and you feel lonely? The two big variables that determine the feeling to emerge are:
What are you doing and how much you like it?
Chronic loneliness can lead to depression, premature aging, and health problems
How often or how long is it long enough for you to try and fail? Or long enough to try and succeed? There have been many times I’ve found myself realizing I’ve taken the wrong choice or the wrong path for my life, and again I have to live with the consequences, but every time we can’t achieve the results we wanted, the feeling of failure and giving up comes up. Is the failure worth it? is there no other way out but giving up?
When those feelings arrive, it is very important to remember, we learn from our failures the most. When we fall we have the opportunity to raise stronger once again, with more knowledge as of what not to do. Learn from your mistakes, don’t do the same error twice, adjust to the situation you are in. Become your biggest fan. If one thing should be eternal, I think that is hope and you should not lose your grasp in it. Never give up, there hasn’t been a person in the history of the world who was born, and was amazing and doing things perfectly on their craft.
Feelings are what determine what we believe and what we do in life. If you want to truly achieve happiness, do not give up on yourself, do more of the things that make you happy, and try to let go of those that cause you pain. Don’t let people’s opinion define your own idea and definition of who you are. We are all entitled to our opinions, but opinions and facts are sometimes different.
Somethings come so easy in our lives just as some become so difficult we have issues coping and dealing with them. That is just the beauty of life, we never know what we will get or how much of it, until everything evolves or we are open to see and accept the results. If what you are trying to accomplish will help you on your path to achieving happiness, do not ever give up, but if you have failed to obtain it, learn from your previous attempts, modify your approach and give it your all. Happiness is a choice after all. Are you willing to compromise it, or give it up?
At some point in my life I stopped telling what I really felt and think to those around me since they all seemed unable to keep it to themselves. From my family members to my friends. What I once told my wife at some point has now been used to manipulate me or torture me one way or another. What I told those I dated and trusted was used to ridicule me and doubt me.
Whenever I’ve felt stuck in life… that endless sadness, desperation, emptiness and impotence… poetry, literature and my journals have come to the rescue.
When I decided to write a new novel last year about a 30yr old lost man trying to find himself, I didn’t think it would lead me to do the same soul searching and analogy on myself. When I felt on a good place in life and wondered what one might do if they were in a worse situation both morally, emotionally and career wise. The story begun raising and pointing some ideas and questions that I never thought of asking myself. This lead me to start searching deep within my mind for answers and memories I thought lost, realizing I could sometimes recall those memories but some times I couldn’t, led me to start listening when people would call me on my odd behavior, something I did, which I thought was not something I should have done. After logging in my thoughts, my fears, what was happening in my life and my response to that and going back to it, I saw a complete chaos on ideas, identities and believes. I stopped calling my attitude weird and recognized what it truly was; Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).
Thinking back to before the idea to write the story and now… I’ve accomplish a lot on my self discovery and path in life thanks to that random idea of writing about someone being down, when I thought I was doing so well, perhaps deep down I knew something was wrong and with writing being the easiest way for me to express myself, it now seems like a logical choice I should have done years ago. The only time is late to try and become better, or learn to know yourself is when you have no more time in this crazy beautiful world. While there is time, get a journal and write your heart out to know yourself. Don’t keep your monsters locked in your chest… Learn to live with them freely, accepting what you have and what you don’t. Pick your best traits and work on those you lack on until you are the person you truly want to be.
Going back to what has been in my life. There have always been 3 different personalities or 3 characters that I’m aware have helped me overcome some of the life challenges, as well as being the cause of my downfall of some of my relationships and at some point priceless friendships to end. I have never thought that being a problem or thought it was a challenge or anything like that. After all, we are told to behave different according to where we are. We cannot have the same behavior at home as we do at school, sometimes even our believes need to stay at home also… Or so is what I’ve experienced, but what exactly am I talking about?
Called Multiple Personality Disorder until 1994, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a severe condition in which at least two distinct identities, or personality states, are present in—and alternately take control of—an individual (OMG, I knew people get possessed. This is proof the Illuminati exist… lol). The person also experiences memory loss that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.
I don’t think is so much as memory loss, but rather memories misplacement, after all those memories are still somewhere stored there, just you will find them with whatever character is the one to have experienced them.
Explaining how the mind works is never easy, but as one can best explain what is happening. When I sat down daily to write down or record what is happening with me emotionally, is when I got to the conclusion or realization that I didn’t have a tendency to change my pastime and what activity I loved the most, but instead I was dealing with personas showing their own self-image, behaviors, and even name.
Although, I do not have everything figured out, and maybe I never get to have it all down, I think is important to finally recognized couple things in my life. First of all since the transition or transformation from one identity to another are often triggered by psychosocial stress, there might be ways to minimize how often it happens if good strategies to deal with stress are implemented. And second, now I know I have never been talking alone all this time… lol, more like my alters have been having conversations with themselves. Lastly, is true sometimes you might get more than you bargained for, in this instance I like to think is more of you get X amount for the price of 1. LOL
It’s been some time now that I have been trying to post some pictures in Instagram using only Legos. I started with the lego figures I would randomly find that my kids lost somewhere or had misplaced, then eventually I got fond of some figures and decided to get some of my own. 😀 Since I’ve manged to keep my mind occupied on something when I am stressing out, and need some relieve. Taking couple snaps sometimes is all I need to keep on. Here are some of my favorite shots since I started
Hello… I am a legion of ideas and Personas, but my name is Jahaziel. I am a poet in search of life’s light and happiness. I have written 3 poetry books up to date. I wish to write a novel and hopefully I have the opportunity to do so in the near future.
For my own sake, I am now writing a bit more on my opinions on life and my journey on finding happiness, since life is too short and my memory scattered and unavailable most of the time. I figured if I keep my thoughts, believes and experiences saved somewhere other than my mind, perhaps they can come in handy for my kids in the future or someone else might benefit from what someone like myself can and is able to say. The world is full of colors, beauty, dangers and is constantly changing. Like the world I think my life, my opinions, my views, my persona seems to change but when viewed in detail one can see that not much really changes with the world itself, but is our surrounding that is constantly changing. We can either feed the beast inside us, or become the food being fed by the beast around us.